I’d always wondered what it would be like to be blond.
That was the opening sentence to the blog post I wrote two days ago. The internet gods were not smiling on me that day, however. I lost it. I was in such a great mood when I wrote it. I am no longer.
I’ve struggled with body image my whole life. That partly drove my decision last weekend to change my hair.
I think the other thing that drove me was the desire to take charge of at least one thing in my life. The prospect of chemo scares me more and more every single day. This is the biggest challenge I’ve ever faced. I am engaged in a struggle for my life. But all that’s on my mind is my hair. My body.
I might actually gain weight on chemo. This is currently the most horrifying thing I can imagine.
I worked so hard to lose weight last year. I stopped eating junk, and more importantly, white rice; I did sit ups and walked hundreds of miles. I was getting fit. Best of all, I was looking pretty good. I had, after so many years, come to accept what I was. I wasn’t done, not by a long shot, but I started letting Ryan take pictures of me again; which he hadn’t been allowed to do since Katie was born fourteen years ago.
So when I read this article, needless to say, it was upsetting.
Was all the work for nothing? Am I going to wind up right back at square one? I’ve come to terms with the mental aspects of the side effects. Will I go crazy and fat? This whole experience is starting to feel like a cruel practical joke.
I’m taking some comfort in the fact that at least some of the side effects will be temporary.
The salon experience was a lot of fun. I was a salon color newbie. We asked friends and family for recommendations, and based on those, we decided on the Ho’ala salon in Ala Moana Center. Ho’ala is very posh and smells wonderful. It is a member of the Aveda family of spas, and I guess Aveda’s thing is all-natural ingredients and earth-friendly practices.
My stylist, Soo, explained that to achieve the platinum locks I was looking for, they would have to bleach my hair, resulting in fried hair and possibly a burned scalp. She said she could give me a full set of highlights, which would lighten my hair without exposing me to injury.
In addition to the highlights, I got a hand massage, a cup of tea, and, honestly, it was just fun being pampered.
Afterward, Ryan, Katie and I had a late dinner at a Thai restaurant. With not many days until my treatment, it’s nice to spend time with my family. I was certain that after Katie reached her teens, she wouldn’t need me anymore, but I’m so relieved that she does.