fake

On the day my new boob came in the mail, my hair started falling out.

My prosthesis and my new bras arrived yesterday. Up until now, I had been using the padding from my post-surgical camisole tucked into the shelf bra of my regular Costco brand camisoles, which worked most of the time, but not well. The pad often slipped out of place at awkward moments, causing me to constantly have to tug on my shirt. It was not an elegant solution, but it was all I had.

I tried the prosthesis on with one of my new bras after dinner, and immediately, I felt better. My posture improved instantly. Suddenly, the fatigue and undefinable discomfort I had had since the surgery melted away. The bras fit wonderfully.

I realized during my fitting that in my whole life, I had never had a bra that fit properly. I’d been sized but was never shown how to put one on or how to know if one fit right.

I laughed to see my new breast, there in a box. I was thinking about how to tweet it. I was considering all the jokes I could make when I ran my hand through my hair and noticed more than a few strands clinging to my fingers.

I knew it was going to happen, and I know it’s temporary, but I was thinking about the stories I’d heard from other survivors who said they didn’t really lose much hair. I was hoping I might be spared the hair loss to a degree. Today, my hair is still mostly all there, but I know by the weekend it will be noticeably thinner. Luckily, my mom sent me a bunch of hats and a friend sent me a spare wig, so I’m covered, no pun intended.

I’m not looking forward to this stage of my recovery, but Ryan is so excited to see my bald head, it’s a little frightening.

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I go in for my second dose of chemo tomorrow. Before every session, I will have to see Dr. Nguyen for a physical exam and a blood count, as I did yesterday. At the appointment, he explained that the pains that sent me to the emergency room on Friday were most likely a side effect of the Neupagen injections. I wish I’d known that before I’d gone in. I knew to expect some discomfort, but I was expecting something entirely different. The pain isn’t skeletal, as I’d imagined, but more muscular.

The good news is that now I know to expect it.

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28 responses to “fake

  1. You look beautiful, Jen! We’re all rooting for you!!

  2. I’m friends with your hubby on Twitter; I’ve never seen you before, so I don’t know what you look like *with* hair, but I’ll tell you what – you’re gorgeous without it! 😀

  3. You look so cute Jen!

  4. You look so cute! Wish I could take this from you. Please post some pictures of the hats Mom made. Mike, the kids and I pray for you everyday. Love you lots.

  5. Persis Khambatta, Alice Krige, and Sigourney Weaver are all beautiful women who rocked the bald look. You do too.

  6. Beautiful with or without hair!!! Sending lots of good vibes.

  7. Jen…just curious…would it help you to take control over the hair loss and just go ahead and shave your head; have a bolo-is-beautiful party? Gotta tell ya…you look adorable in that scarf.
    healing hugs…tutu

  8. Forgot to mention…I love your breast in a box scenario! Humor is your best medicine! And, yah, nuthin’ quite like a well fitted bra. More expensive, for sure, but oh so worth it.

  9. crispyteriyaki

    You’ll do great, Jen! Glad the prosthesis is working out real well for you.

  10. Holly Joiner

    Beauty is on the inside…the outside is just accessories!

  11. Jen, I just ended up getting my head shaved. I got used to the no maintenance look fairly fast. At least hair grows back!

  12. We’ve never met, but Ryan and I go way back online to Diary-L. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck, Joy

  13. Jen you are GORGEOUS through and through. Your chronicle is inspirational.

  14. Wow, NICE bras. They make you feel better, too. Terrific!

  15. We’re praying for you Jen!

  16. You look gorgeous, Jen! Your beauty comes from the inside no matter how much hair you have.

    Mokihana

  17. You look great and those bras are gorgeous! Who knew they came in such vibrant colors and sexy styles? My mom had breast cancer more than 25 years ago and her prosthesis bras did not look anything like yours! Hang in there. Sending you positive juju!

  18. You look great! And those bras! Who knew they could be so colorful and sexy? My mom had breast cancer more than 25 years ago and I her prosthesis bras did not look like yours. Sending you positive juju!

  19. I’ve always been amazed by your family and how fun and talented each of you are… but, Jen you’ve taken my admiration to another level. I am following along with your journey and wishing you the best. Thank you for blogging about your experience.

    Much love from the Mainland,
    Sukhjit

  20. PS: The bandanna look is super cute on you!

  21. You look wonderful! Below’s a link to my work colleague’s head-shaving party. She’s had a recurrence of colon cancer and this time, chose a chemo that did not cause severe neuropathy — opted for the hair loss. She had a party and let her kids do the shaving in stages…and let her 10 yr old daughter pick out a “fun” (BLUE!) wig while she chose a ‘normal’ one. http://michellewillwin.blogspot.com/2012/05/head-shaving-pictures.html

  22. The look is no less beautiful, thanks to your inner spirit.

  23. The truth is we are a spirit with a body. Our body is a part of us but it is not what makes us truly beautiful. It is our God given spirit that shines through and shows our beauty. We all are fake to a degree outwardly, but God made you a beautiful woman inside and out. Your husband and family know that well and so do we.

  24. Jen you’re so brave and with this playful attitude I’m sure you’ll overcome anything. hair grows, keep strong!

  25. Jen, love that the prosthesis is helping you feel better… you look fabulous and I’m saying my prayers for you and the fam bam… hope to run into you soon… peace love n light…

  26. Humor is sometimes the best medicine… and a boob coming in the mail certainly made me laugh. Get well.

  27. You’ve got a beautiful smile Jen. It’s radiant!

  28. You are beautiful. Rooting for you through all the ups and downs.

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